Hope or Sham, Sacred or just a Farce?

by Donna, posted in Philosophy

Marriages are made in heaven…but here on earth, the reality is slightly different.

Ever since childhood, I developed an immense contentious belief on the concept of marriages, why they existed, and why the entire aura over the serendipity of binding two souls together with a thread, for an eternity, was ever thought upon?

Well, I for once, never could grab the notion to its core. If I want to be with someone, no piece of paper should be tagged over it, it should solely stem from my own desire to spend my life with that singular person. And then yet again, who am I? Who am I to decide for my future self? At every second, our body, mind and heart is undergoing unparalleled changes, changes that we are so unaware of. Changes that make us grow, make us experience life that a younger version of ours would have never believed in a thousand years. So how do we, at this stage of life, where we have hardly crossed a quarter in terms of experiences, what qualifies us to decide on that one singular entity that would satiate us for as long as we live?

We then come into a society that turns a sour eye upon us if we are unable to carry forward the promises that a less experienced version of ours had made to ourselves. Loyalty, morality and words such sharp and ideal are thrust upon us. Well, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche quoted, “Morality is just a fiction created by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.” No, I do not consider myself superior to anyone, but a little reading would draw it well upon you that the entire institution of monogamy and weddings were originated so as to solve the crisis of legitimate heirs with respect to lands and belongings. Its funny how the course of spoken history has always been quite tumultuous and paradoxical. But what better way to make people follow a certain rule than to instil the religious moral compass on them?

This is my take on the subject, my take on why the word ‘wedlock’ thoroughly repels me. I believe that our older generations have done quite an incredible task in souring marriage for us. We have seen our relatives, more so than often, surviving in a loveless marriage, sometimes even bordering abusive, solely because the opposite is so tabooed that it requires a higher level of courage that no one, not even your own people would support you in. As we grew up, we saw our elders grow up too, and in visible remorse over their decision to get married at several points in their life. And we thought, kept thinking to ourselves, that if it was so tasking, why not just take the easy way out? What is wrong with the easy way, especially if the harder way is doing good to no one? To believe that you are living in an unhealthy marriage solely for your kids is disturbing in so many levels.

Maybe, time will change my line of thought, or maybe not. Maybe the institution does hold in itself something sacred that the sceptic in me is missing. But in a world where freedom comes at a price, where even the choice to breath offends a mighty lot, I refuse to see the purpose of that piece of paper and those elaborate rituals that follow. I refuse to believe that any of us is equipped enough to decide on making a decision this big, that involves two lives, and then abiding by it come what may. If I am wrong, correct me. I shall be finishing this up with another quote of Nietzche. “You have your way, I have my way. As for the right way, it does not exist.”

Growing up

by Donna, posted in Uncategorized

So what exactly is this psychological thing called growing up? Is it the sense of being independent enough to earn for yourself, or the psychological maturity of being able to solve your problems on your own, without needing help?

To me, growing up lies in between the extremities. To ‘grow up’ might not exactly mean that you do not feel the effects of an action, or that you feel you know the answer to everything. To grow up basically might be that very stage when your IQ starts dominating your EQ. Or in other words, it is when you develop a certain sense of objectivity in you. When you realize what you are to yourself comes before what you are to other people. It is when you realize where you, and your entire world stands and how important it is that you take care of yourself now, more than ever. This might mean differently to different people, to someone, it might be the day when you are married, when your child is born, when you achieve a big career feat, the day you leave home for college, or the day your job takes a toll on you, or just that one day when you feel beaten down, and you start trying to find sense in that. And when you finally do start growing up, it might strike the wrong cord in several people. People who didn’t see you this way before. And what you are becoming now might be a matter of alert to those, for now, all of a sudden, you speak out. You speak out for yourself now, you have answers. You have answers even for the unanswerable questions coz you have figured it out finally.

But then again, that’s not your job to take care of what they feel unless you have taken care of yourself. And growing up is when you finally know that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. It is when you realize that you have to identify yourself before you can seek the identification from anyone else.

Now, it goes without saying that there is a fine line between this and between being selfish. But in retrospect, why can it not be selfish? Your growing up is a process that is taking a toll on you, both mentally, physically, emotionally as well as socially. Then why can you not be selfish in this phase, for you know you are expected to be selfless for the rest of your life?

Here, as you gradually grow up, you start seeing what adds value to your life, what doesn’t and choose accordingly. You realize that just as what you are going through is not someone else’s burden, in the same way, what they are going through is not yours too. Everyone, in the end, is figuring out how to grow up. It takes time and some hammering to develop that thick skin where it is required. It comes at a cost. It of course does. Every change comes at a cost. But when you do grow up, you objectively look at the cost, and decide to pay whatever amount it entails.

And certainly, it isn’t something that strikes you in a few days or months. It is a process that continues itself till you realize one day, that something that affected you once so much, doesn’t anymore. And one day you stop hurting from the past, or worrying about the future, because your objectivity tells you that you are in control of your life now. That…is the best feeling in the world. Because you know the laps you have crossed to come here.
And as you shed a tear, remembering your sacrifices, your services, your mistakes, your breakdowns, to come to this point, you also realize that it was all supposed to turn out this way, you know you have grown up.

    A layer buried deep-Identity

    by Donna, posted in Uncategorized

    As a child, I was told one thing by my parents. I had a talent, a talent that could be cashed on. And so, it was behooved of me to do whatever was in my power to make something of me with that talent. So when a possible threat to my talent appeared out of the blue, my parents, like everyone else’s, did what they thought best. Everything in THEIR power to curb the threat. After all, how much would a 14 year old even know to decide what was right for her. But in this possible quest to protect me from every threat, they happened to overlook something right in front of their eyes.d They forgot to check if they were protecting me, who I was.

    I was shown an ideal world, a world where, name, fame, money, a perfect society approved life defined who I was. More than who I was, as a human being. Growing up in that world, my threat was somewhere buried deep inside. The threat that they had so long wanted to nip in the bud. But then how can you, if you didn’t even ascertain who your daughter was. All it would have taken for them to do was one conversation with me, one conversation about what was growing in a 14 year old in her formative years.

    Years passed, and I grew up. A 23 year old with friends, family, a passionate career (you know, the society-approved one), a partner, and a prospect. And what festered inside remained hidden from the rest of the society approved world. To everyone else around me, my life seem ‘sorted’. Of course it would. Wasn’t that the intent all along? And I saw to it, that I fulfilled the intent. Props, that would complete my life. Props, that would take care of every necessary facet of my life. But what grows in a child, if not dealt with properly, doesn’t leave its mark.

    And then one day, it shows up. It shows itself up in the most frightening way you can imagine. It comes and shows you your own self. Who you really are, what your parents, or that person you called a guardian, failed to see beyond themselves. You see what the years of layers conveniently hid inside of it. Where you stand, when everything that you built and that built you were to be taken aside.

    So I take my leave with this very question. That…’threat’, that you were supposed to be protected from. Was that threat nothing but you? A version of you your parents wanted to protect you from? And if that’s the case, then how would that even be possible in a world where your identity was never actually revealed to you?

    So Who Am I?

    by Donna, posted in Uncategorized

    This is going to be so fun. SO welcome to my world, ya..all! Yeah, I try to be hip, but I hardly am. Consider this to be a place for Zee to be….herself. Her own wacky, overthinking, over analyzing, self questioning, self that might drive you crazy at times. But then again, this is much more for me than it is for anyone else. I don’t even know if this shall be relatable to anyone else. If it is and I am successful in making even a small change to the life of someone out there, then I’d consider myself blessed. Because let’s face it, in this alarmingly surging world of technology, we spend more time in being someone for others than being someone for our own selves. A true self.

    And so here I am, trying to reach out to anyone out there through my experiences, the roller-coaster ride that I have had and continue to have, the one we humankind less scarily know as life. We’ll have a good time……I hope.